Missing him

Every day I come here, and I try to come up with a post about all the wonderful things I remember about Cheeba, everything I don't want to forget. But just thinking about it tears me up inside. I miss him so much, and while I cherish every memory, each one breaks my heart a little more. How tiny he was when I brought him home, how close we were, how we did everything together for the first 8 months of his life, and how he was always such a mama's boy - it's all painful. I try to remind myself that he's not in pain anymore, and he'll never really leave me as long as I remember him, but it's just not helping. I'm selfish, I want him here with me. One of these days I guess I'll be able to remember him and honor him in the way he deserves, but I just can't bring myself to do it yet.

And on to the living...Bonk had a low blood sugar episode over the weekend. His head was bobbing, he was staring off into space, and he had hind leg weakness. A home blood test gave me a result of 43, which is probably more like 65 - 75, so I started him on pred. He's already doing better - increased appetite, more energy, no low BG behavior. So it looks like he has insulinoma.

He and Jebabba are handling Cheeba's death well. They didn't really spend too much time with him at the end though, so I'm not really surprised. As much as I miss Cheeba, it is kind of nice to only have two ferrets again. I can devote so much more time to them, and I'm sure they like that.

Tags

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ferret, ferrets, insulinoma

My Sweet Cheeba

My sweet fuzzy, my little mama's boy is gone. I took him to the vet yesterday to see if there was anything we could do. The vet and I spoke at length about our options, and we determined that there was nothing we could do to improve the quality of his life. Any treatment we chose would simply extend his life in his current condition, and I didn't want that. He was obviously uncomfortable on Sunday and from Sunday night into Monday morning - trouble breathing, in pain, having trouble finding a good position to lay in. It just about broke my heart to see him like that.

So I made one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make and told the vet to help him cross. She left the room and gave me time to say goodbye to him. I told him how much I loved him, how he was always my favorite, how he would soon be free. I told him all the things I thought I would have more time to say. And I told him that he would soon be with Mojo and Sophie, and how he would be young, strong and healthy again. When she came back, she gave him a shot and left again, and I talked to him as he crossed, again telling him how much I loved him and how no ferret would ever be to me what he was. It was quick and peaceful and dignified. He slowly drifted away and then he was gone. My special little guy was gone, his body limp in my arms. I kissed him, cried, held him to me, smelled his familiar scent for the last time. And then I let him go. I didn't think I would be able to. It took all my strength to give him to them and leave the room. I always hated to leave him behind.

God, it hurts so much. I didn't know it could be this bad. Cheeba was my first ferret, and my life for the past few months has completely revolved around him (more than it usually did). We were together almost every moment I was home. There's such a huge hole in my life, in my home, in my heart. I look at the other ferrets, and my heart breaks all over again. I love them both very much, but Cheeba, he was everything to me. I've had him since he was a tiny 8 week old kit, since summer of 2001. I knew he wasn't immortal, but I wasn't prepared.

Goodbye Cheeba, my angel, my sweet cuddly fuzzy, my first. You are so missed and so loved. Things will never be the same again without you here to share them.

Shine on, Cheeba.
April 2001 - January 15, 2007

Tags

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ferret, ferrets

Cheeba's health declining rapidly

I asked the vet to do an ultrasound and checkup of Cheeba this past Sunday at the Lupron clinic. What we found isn't good.

Both his liver and spleen are grossly enlarged - this is probably a symptom of lymphoma, but we can't treat for lymphoma because he can't have pred. He has a heart murmur that's a 2.5 on a scale of 5; the consistently high BG has damaged his heart. He's started coughing and sounds phlegmy sometimes. He's anemic, and it turns out that it's probably ulcers again, even though he didn't have any signs of that until yesterday. And now he's started to refuse food and ferretone. I have him back on carafate, but it's not helping.

So after a long hard fight, Cheeba seems to be ready to go soon. I'm making his time left with me as special as possible. It would be nice if he surprised me again, but I just don't think it's going to happen this time. His eyes tell me differently, you know?

Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers. All I want now is for him to cross over at home, in my arms. I don't want to have to make the choice for him.

Tags

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ferret, ferrets, Lupron, ferret diabetes, ferret ulcers, ferret lymphoma

Happy New Year! Here's hoping...

That it will be better than last year! Last year was very much a year of loss and sadness. I hope that this year will be an improvement.

Cheeba has made it to the new year, and for that I'm very thankful. His new treatment hasn't helped much. I kept him on the Humulin for a few days every 8 hours and there was no improvement. We switched him back to the PZI, and his BG was better almost immediately, though it was yoyoing around. But I had to take him back to every 12 hours again, since the PZI is meant to last longer. There was some effect it could cause (a more serious version of the yoyoing), but I can't remember the name of it. Since going back to every 12 hours his BG has gone up again. I've started increasing his insulin. For a BG level of 100 - 200, he gets 1 unit. For 200 - 300 he gets 2 units. For 300 - 400, he gets 2.5 units. For 400 - 500, he gets 3 units. For 500+ he gets 3.5 units. The bouncing back and forth has stopped for the most part, but still no real improvement.

I'm a little worried though, he started coughing a couple days after Christmas. It has been fairly random and it cleared up each time when I put some Ferret Rx on his nose. But I know that coughing can be a sign of fluid around the heart, and his heartbeat does seem faster than it used to be. I can only imagine what 2 months of almost continually high BG has done to his organs.

My poor little guy. He's holding on, but I just don't know for how much longer. He's gotten to the point where he doesn't want to be around the other ferrets, even to sleep with them. He just wants to be around me. When Jebabba tries to snuggle with him and clean him, Cheeba cries. If it wasn't so obvious to me that he's loving all this one on one mommy time, I would help him cross the bridge. He does nothing but sleep anymore unless I wake him up to eat or he has to go to the bathroom. But he's so content to snuggle up with me and fall asleep that I don't think he's ready to leave yet.

Bonk and Jebabba are doing fairly well. They've become pretty inseparable. It's only once in a while that I find them sleeping separately. Jebabba gains a little courage every day, and he recently has taken to "punking" the cat. He war dances around Maceo, jumps on the cat's tail, then takes off under the couch. It's pretty funny and it's great to see him so brave since when he first moved downstairs out of the ferret room in March he was so timid.

Bonk had a skin biopsy done at the end of November, and results came back that it's not an allergy, parasite, infection or lymphoma. That pretty much just leaves us with adrenal disease, though it's a very strange presentation. He got his first Lupron shot mid-December, and is getting another one on Sunday at the Lupron clinic. I am going to make an appointment to do a pre-surgery physical. If he's a good surgical candidate, I want to try it. He's really young and seems to be very physically fit. (Steve and I call him our little hard body) He's slender but muscular. I think he would make it through and recover well.

Tags

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ferret, ferrets, Lupron, diabetes in ferrets, adrenal disease